Secrets, Half-Truths and Statistics
by purple.sunrise
Summary: After the turmoil in the weeks after being kidnapped by Henkel, Reid tells Gideon that he wants to stay at the BAU. But what is the huge roadblock in his way? Set between 2.18 and 2.19; Reid/Prentiss friendship; Companion story to Our Unpredictable Road
1. Chapter 1

**This is the companion story I mentioned in my last update of Our Unpredictable Road. It will only be a few chapters. Hope you enjoy it.**

**TW for this story- drug addiction, rape, abortion, self harm**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

**Chapter 1**

As the team relaxed on the plane on the way back from New Orleans, Reid thinks back to his conversations with Ethan and Gideon. He had admitted that he wasn't OK. And both had known already.

And they had both given him food for thought in different areas. Ethan had assured him that he was only fooling himself if he didn't think the team knew something was wrong with him. Gideon had confirmed that when they talked at the bar Ethan played out. Gideon had shared his own various feelings about the job.

And before getting on the plane to go back to Quantico, Reid had decided that he really did want to be in the FBI and with the BAU. It wasn't just what he thought he should be doing but what he really wanted to be doing.

With that decision made, he had also accepted that he was struggling as he tried to deal with the fallout from the Georgia case. Fallout that would be less complicated to deal with if he left the FBI. However he now needed to find a path forward that would allow him to stay on the team.

But how did he go forward? The nightmares he could handle and knew that they all had them. He had had them before but after talking to Morgan he had also talked through them with Gideon. The flashbacks were also getting better.

The part that he had no idea how to navigate was the Dilaudid exposure that he knew but didn't want to admit had turned into an addiction. As much as everyone on the team may know he was continuing to grapple with his experience, he was almost certain that none of them had figured out that he was still using Dilaudid. Someone would have called him on it as it would be too dangerous to be in the field with drugs in his system.

To stay in the BAU, he knew he needed to find a path to stop using it.

But he more than any of them knew the statistics on how hard it was to break a drug addiction particularly Dilaudid. If the Bureau found out either directly or indirectly through the psychologist or his medical insurance, he would most likely be reassigned away from the BAU and taken out of the field while going through the mandated treatment regimen.

But he also knew what the statistics were for how hard it would be if he tried to do it himself without help. Sighing, he didn't know what do.

As he sat thinking he heard a cough. Looking up he looked up and around the plane at the team before his gaze rested on Emily who was focused on the book she was reading. Sighing, he knew he needed to talk to her, apologize for how he had been treating her for weeks.

**####**

When they entered the bullpen, everyone went to their offices or desks to complete their reports from the case before they head home. As Emily is working through her paperwork, she just wanted to be done. This case had dredged up thoughts and memories that she wished she could forget.

While what Sarah Danlin had done was gruesome, once they were able to pull back the layers they could see what led her to that point. Not that that reason had at all absolved her of her crimes. She had taken something irreplaceable from those men who had no direct role in what happened to her.

For Emily, the case had become all too personal when they went to the bar and spoke to William LaMontagne's former partner. His dismissiveness as he described what had happened to Sarah Danlin while simultaneously railing against his partner because William LaMontagne had believed her resulting in the disagreement causing a permanent fracture in their partnership.

The more he described what had happened that night, the more it felt like he was talking about what Emily had experienced over 20 years earlier. Having fun at a party. Ending up isolated with an aggressive guy. Another guy. Yelling for help that never comes. Not being believed by authority figures.

For Emily, her ally had been her friend Matthew. She had leaned heavily on Matthew during the months that followed. He had believed her and stood by her through even the worst of the aftermath. But it didn't appear that Sarah Danlin had a similar ally.

Thinking back about Matthew, she had been skeptical when he had suggested talking to their priest when she discovered she was pregnant. But he convinced her with the logic that she could talk to the priest and he couldn't reveal what she discussed with her mother which had been her biggest fear. However by the time that meeting was over, things were so much worse than just her mother finding out.

Matthew had been devastated that the church he was preparing to dedicate his life to serving would have a representative that would so callous in his reaction when Emily explained what had happened to her. The priest had greeted her story of what happened at the party with condemnation and victim blaming. He then went on citing eternal damnation and excommunication if she went through with an abortion for not only her but Matthew as well if he helped her.

But even with that threat, Matthew's support for Emily didn't diminished. That meeting had been the last straw for him, having become more disillusioned as time when on with his plans for the priesthood. Once she confirmed that she still needed to go through with despite the consequences, he made all the arrangements and accompanied her.

She sighed not wanting to think too much about what her life would have been like without his help. It had been a while since she had spoken to him. She had broken contact when she had joined the CIA and since she had returned she hadn't spoken to him. Now that she was back in DC, she needed to touch base with him again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

After finishing his report Spencer remained at his desk, observing Emily. He wanted to talk to her before she left for the night. He wanted to see if she would talk to him one on one so that he could at least apologize to her.

His thoughts were interrupted as he saw her standing up and walk up to Hotch's office with her paperwork. When she returned to desk and started straightening up, he approached her, "Emily."

Emily looked back at him warily before she replied, "Yeah."

Spencer was dismayed at the look on her face but understood why it was there when he asked, "could we talk?"

Emily looked back at him, surprise evident on her face. She tilted her head and observed him for a minute before saying, "we can. Do you just want to go up to the conference room?"

Spencer sighed before saying, "we can but I was hoping we could go somewhere else."

Emily nodded reluctantly before saying, "OK, why don't we go over to the diner? Let me just get my stuff."

OK, sounds good."

Emily and Spencer walk into diner that the team often went to for lunch when they were in the office. Given the time of day, it wasn't busy so they chose an isolated corner. After briefly looking at the menu and placing their orders, Emily looked over at Spencer and asked, "so what did you want to talk about?"

After the case and how Spencer had been with her in recent weeks, Emily wanted to get them to get to the point of this talk sooner rather than later. While they were at work, she needed to and had stayed professional however they were now on personal time and if this conversation went south she would have no reservations about walking out. All she wanted to do was go home and curl up with a glass of wine and a book.

Spencer nervously played with his hands before he answered, "I want to apologize to you Emily."

Emily looked up at him, surprised. This was not what she was expecting him to say particularly after their last interaction in New Orleans. "What?" she replied. Before she could say anything else, the waitress stopped by their table with their coffees.

Once it was just them again, Spencer said, "I've been horrible to you Emily. I've been irritable and dismissive." He paused before he went on, "I intentionally missed that flight."

Emily could feel her anger rise at the confirmation that he had ignored her calls as well as lied to her and Morgan. But as she looked over at him nervously holding his mug as well as the lost look on his face, she took a deep breath and blew it out to calm herself. There was obviously more going on with him. Looking at him, she asked, "why Spencer. I asked you this in Houston and I'm going to take a risk by asking again, what is going on with you?"

Spencer looked over at her and saw the look of concern of her face. It was a look that he had seen a lot of over the last few weeks. This time instead of becoming irritated and lashing out at her, he decided to take a chance and see for himself if Ethan was indeed correct. He looked down at his hands and then looked up at her and said, "I'm struggling Emily. I have been since Georgia."

Emily sighed before she nodded and replied calmly, "I know Spencer. That is why I've been checking in with you and offered help. But especially lately it seems like you have been throwing it all back in my face when you haven't to the same extent with anyone else."

Spencer looked down at the table and nodded before he said, "because you were the only one pushing me. Yes, the others asked how I was doing." He paused before saying quietly something that had been bothering him for weeks before continuing, "then in Georgia, you weren't there at all when I was found. And then when I came back to work you were questioning me and working with me on things I used to be able to do myself." He paused again before saying slight louder than a whisper, "I felt like I was losing my place."

Emily shook her head before she said while looking directly at him, "Spencer you will never lose your place on this team. You are important to everyone. I've only been here a few months and that was one of the first facts I was able to determine about the team. I wasn't trying to take your place on the team, I was trying to support you."

Spencer took a deep breath and nodded before he said, "I can see that now. But why weren't you there in Georgia?"

Emily groaned, annoyed that someone else had misinterpreted what she had done in Georgia. However looking at Spencer her frustration diminished knowing that giving the circumstances, he would have have less insight into what she had been doing than the others. She looked at him and said, "I was with the team when we found you. When you went to the hospital, I stayed behind because someone from the team needed to. I thought you would prefer to have all of the others there with you instead."

Spencer looked down and nodded. After a couple of minutes he suddenly looked up and said, "that's why we could leave first thing the next morning."

Emily nodded and said softly, 'Yes, you said you wanted to go home."

"Thank you Emily. Now I feel even worse for how I've been reacting to you." Spencer said shaking his head.

Emily reached over and put her hand over his. When he looked up at her, she said, "Spencer, don't. I'm not going to say it hasn't sucked especially with still trying to find my place on the team but I'm fine. You've apologized, can we just move on?"

Spencer sighed and nodded before saying, "sure, but I don't know about my future on the team."

"Spencer what you went through was horrible but you will get past it. It may take some time and a lot of talking but you can do it." Emily said, not looking away from him. She was speaking from experience. It had taken time and hard work but she had made it back into the field after Doyle and her support system wasn't nearly as big as she could see Spencer's was. He just needed to use it.

Spencer shook his head before saying, "I wish I could believe that. Before we left New Orleans, I talked to Gideon. I had been thinking most of this last case about whether I wanted to stay with the team. And I told him that I do. But things are more complicated than just do I want to stay or go."

"Complicated how?" Emily asked.

Spencer looked down at the table unsure how to continue. Did he take a chance and tell her or make up an excuse?

He sighed as he knew what his choice needed to be. As he looked at the table he started, "a lot happened to me in Georgia. I know I need to talk about it to get past it. But I just want to forget the everything that happened. And…"

Just then the server returned with their orders. After placing them on the table, she walked away. Spencer hadn't moved and Emily was hoping that he wasn't pulling away. She reached across the table and put both of her hands on top of his as she said, "And what, Spencer."

She had been wondering as time went on if something had happened to him during the time that Henkel had him that none of them knew about yet. Or if it was one or more of the actions by Henkel that they did see. Or a combination of both. It was hard to know from person to person what factors were going to have the greatest impact.

This was the closest any of them had come to having him talk out the experience. And she wasn't going to back away as she could see he wanted to get it out. Spencer had not raised his head and was now focused on her hands on top of his. He took a deep breath hoping that she didn't pull away in disgust when he said it, "and Henkel gave me a way to forget."

Emily looked at him confused, trying to figure out what he was trying to tell her. Just then a startling thought came to her as she recalled the evidence collection in Georgia when they couldn't locate the vials of Dilaudid they knew Henkel used. Squeezing his hands, she leaned in and whispered so only he could hear, "Dilaudid"

Spencer nodded without looking up. He took a few deep breaths before he quietly said, "yes. Can you see the problem? I need to talk about it. I need help to stop but if I tell the psychologist, they will be required to report it. Same with Hotch or Gideon. Once its reported then I'll be pulled from the BAU and most likely never be allowed to be assigned to the team again even if I do follow all of the steps that the FBI requires. I decided that I wanted to stay with the team but I can't see a path that will let me stay there."

Emily sat up though she did not remove her hands from his, knowing with what he just admitted, he needed to feel her support. He was right, how did he go from here? Dilaudid was a hard drug to break an addiction from in the best of circumstances. The options he was looking at were to try and do it himself which would mostly likely fail or go through official channels and lose his day to day support system and reason for being in the FBI. He really was between a rock and a hard place.

Just as she was going to say something, she stopped and thought about a conversation she had with Alicia a few years back. If it was still being done, it could be that third option that he desperately needed right now. Emily looked over at him and said, "Spencer. There may be a path. Do you trust me?"

Spencer looked up at her hesitantly and nodded as he said, "yes I do. I've haven't been acting like it recently but I do."

Emily smiled at him and squeezed his hands before pulling back and sitting up straight. She gestured at the food on the table as she said, "OK, you stay here and eat. I need to make a phone call." She stood up and walked away, ready to make a overdue phone call

**####**

Emily ended her call and sighed. She had gotten the answers she needed but she had also needed to agree to a meeting that she had been putting off. As she walked up to the table, she saw that Spencer had eaten some of the food on his plate. As she sat back down, she asked, "are you done?"

He nodded before saying, "yes. Are you going to eat your sandwich?" gesturing to Emily's still untouched food. Food that she wanted but didn't have time for right now if they were going to get to the appointment she set up in 45 minutes.

Emily shook her head before she said, "not right now. We need to talk. The phone call. I talked to someone I know. A psychologist. The practice she works with sees feds, government employees, etc that need to talk but don't want what they are talking about to be in their official record. They have security clearance so discussing case details isn't an issue. They don't file with insurance. They strongly respect doctor-patient confidentiality and won't report anything unless it is something they are required by law to report such as a threat to yourself or someone else. Is this something that you are interested in?"

"So it's completely off the books?" Spencer asked.

Emily nodded as she said, "yes. They have an option for a different approach to treat addiction. I don't know much about it or if you are eligible or would want to consider it once you do hear more but do you want to meet with them?"

Spencer gave the first smile he had in weeks as he said, "yes. It won't hurt to hear them out."

She flagged down their server and got her food boxed as well as the check. With that done, she turned back to Spencer and said, "OK, they can see you in 45 minutes. See if it's an option that you can work with. But either way, I'll support you Spencer. It took a lot of courage to have this conversation with me."

"So you won't tell the team." Spencer asked quietly. He didn't want to team to know.

Emily sighed as she looked over at him. She didn't want to break his trust or confidence in her. But she couldn't completely give him what he was asking for though. As much as she wanted to support him, she could ignore a situation where someone's life was at risk.

Looking at him directly, she said, "here is what I can promise. I won't say anything as long as you are getting help and staying clean. I can't not say something if you are using and Hotch wants to send you into the field. That is dangerous for you and dangerous for whoever you are partnered with as well as the people we are there to protect. I hope you can accept that."

Emily watched as he sat quietly across from her unsure about what his next step would be. She let out the breath she didn't know she was holding when he nodded and said, "yes, I hope I would never get to that point but I would never get past someone getting hurt or killed because I was high."

"Good, let's go." Emily said as they gathered their things and they walked out of the diner.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

When they reached the office 35 minutes later, Emily led them inside and checked Spencer in. Shortly after settling into the waiting room, Dr Nelson came and took them back to his office. When the doctor had come to the waiting room, Spencer had requested Emily come with him while he explained what happened in Georgia.

Having later stepped out of the room so that the doctor could talk to Spencer privately, Emily went back to the waiting room and had no sooner sat down when she froze, hearing a voice she knew well, "Emily, my office please."

Emily groaned, knowing that it was not a request and she was going to get some grief for it being so long since she checked in with Alicia. She knew when she had called Alicia earlier about whether the practice would be able to help Spencer that the older woman wanted to talk to her. With her colleague who would be the best person for Spencer to see for what Emily described, Alicia hadn't said much on the phone so that they had time to arrive for the appointment that was available.

As Alicia watched as Emily walked into her office, she was pleasantly surprised that Emily for the most part looked well, tired yes but overall well. Generally when Emily was avoiding her as she had been doing since returning to DC, it was because she was working through something and when she did come in she would be a little worse for wear. While that didn't seem to be the case today, she wouldn't know for sure until they talked.

Settling herself in her normal seat, Emily observed as she saw Alicia close the door and walk over and sit in her typical chair. As she looked around the room, there were some different decorative touches, most of it was the same as the last time she was here. While Alicia did make changes to her office, she tended to make them slowly. But even as the decor had changed over the years the comforting smell had not and Emily found herself relaxing.

"So Emily, it's been a while. You were suppose to check in with me when you arrived back in DC and that was months ago. How have you been?" Alicia said, drawing Emily's attention over to her.

Emily sighed before answering, "OK. I started at the BAU and things have just been really busy. We have already been out on several cases since I started."

Alicia sighed, from her long experience with Emily saw through her answer. She was offering an explanation as to why she hadn't been in while avoiding the question Alicia felt was most important. It was very telling and Alicia knew she had her work cut out her. Shaking her head, Alicia replied, "I would imagine that unit would be busy. But you know that OK doesn't answer the question I asked you."

Emily bit her lip realized that Alicia had picked up on what she had been trying to do. Crap. After thinking for a minute, she remembered that Alicia was one of the few people that had known about her past relationship with Aaron Hotchner, so she threw out, "guess who my boss is."

Alicia looked at her confused wondering who she could be talking about that she would know and was in a position to be Emily's supervisor. Just then a name came to her. She looked up at Emily wide eyed and said, "Aaron?" to which Emily nodded before she continued, "no way."

Alicia recalled that it had been that response that all those years ago that had finally gotten a response out of a teenage Emily. She had only been at the practice for a couple of months when one of the founding partners approached her about taking on the teenage granddaughter of one of his former clients.

He had given her some background information on what was going on with the young woman before her first session. Information that Alicia did not completely let on to the first time Emily had come to her office. The pain was evident on the young woman dressed in black who had completed her goth look with heavy black makeup that didn't hide the high and thick emotional walls.

Despite dutifully coming in twice a week, it had taken weeks for Emily to start talking to her about anything. It was months before Emily had really started to open up to her about what had happened to her. When she had, it was worse than what she had been briefed about. She had been told that Emily had been raped and gotten pregnant then had an abortion. But hearing the details had brought it to a different level.

Then Emily had told her that the priest, though unable to tell her mother about her pregnancy, had found a different way to punish her when he talked her mother into sending her to a convent school he suggested in Switzerland. Given what she experienced there, Emily had said she was sure the priest had filled those at the convent in on his interpretation of what she had done in Rome. As soon as she has gotten the chance she had left with just the clothes on her back and showed up at her grandfather's cabin in the French Alps three days later.

After explaining to him what had happened he spoke to her mother and made arrangement for her to go to the same boarding school in Virginia that he had sent her mother to for Emily to finish her last two years of high school. But a condition he had was she needed to go to therapy to work on feelings about what she had been through.

Emily smirked at Alicia's comment while also knowing it had been the intended reaction as she gave the expected reply, "way. I was completely surprised when I arrived and was told he was the Unit Chief. My paperwork didn't have his name on them. I didn't find out until I was meeting with the Section Chief. I had to make a sudden decision about whether or not I still wanted the assignment when I questioned it."

Alicia paused wondering how much she should push Emily, knowing that Aaron Hotchner was still a sensitive topic. Even as recently as five years ago, she was certain that Emily would have walked away instead of working with him. However she needed to know what Emily's mindset was on this development.

She remembered their discussions when Emily met Aaron as well as to how they became acquainted when Emily was home that summer. She had excitedly filled Alicia in on their future plans. For Alicia she had never seen Emily as content as she was during those months.

Then Alicia remembered later that summer when a devastated Emily came into her office. Emily had called 3 weeks earlier and left a message the morning she left for France telling Alicia that her grandfather was ill and she was going to see him.

Alicia had heard from her colleague that he had passed away and knowing how close they were she wasn't surprised at how upset Emily was when she came in that day.

What had surprised her that day was what Emily had told her about Aaron Hotchner being gone when she came home without leaving a word. His phone had been disconnected and he had moved away from his apartment.

Then Emily told her she had found out from the agent that replaced him that he had been reassigned. To a position that Emily had known he had wanted but had said he would wait until she finished school to pursue it so they could stay together. Once she explained that to Alicia, Alicia found that Emily would shut down anytime Aaron Hotchner was mentioned.

"So you decided to stay and work with him. Interesting." Alicia commented.

Emily rolled her eyes before grumbling the reply, "no Alicia I chose to stay and work in the unit I have wanted for years. He tried to send me away the first day when he found out I was assigned to his team."

Emily paused and leaned forward, resting her forearms on her legs before continuing, "God I wish I knew what I did to him that summer." before she paused again wiping a tear off her cheek.

Alicia too had wondered over the years what had happened but knew it was a subject that Emily would rarely talk about because it was too painful.

It had just been a couple of years earlier when Alicia had by chance been introduced to Aaron Hotchner at a conference. She of course hadn't said anything to him about Emily but since then she had wondered what happened between the two. She had long held the unshared opinion that there was more involved in them losing contact that what was obvious.

Emily sighed before saying "things have not been going smoothly with him since I started." She took a deep breath and goes through everything that has happened with her and Hotch and the team since she started at the BAU.

"Well Emily, I know you have been asking yourself that question for the last 12 years but now that you have seen him again, have you asked him?" Alicia asked.

Emily looked down and shook her head before saying, "no and I'm not going to. I just can't go there. I made it clear to him that I want strictly professional interactions. I can't go back there."

Alicia sighed but wasn't surprised by her reaction on this sensitive subject though she did feel it was progress that she was willing to work with him. Deciding to let the subject go today and continuing, Alicia said, "only you can decide what you can handle but keep it in mind. So it sounds like a lot of stress. How have you been handling it?"

This was another topic that Alicia had known she needed to check in with Emily about. Over the years she had helped Emily work through multiple times with her unhealthy coping mechanisms. She had found Emily willing to work through them and had over the years they had found healthy ways for her to cope however Alicia also had discovered that during times of stress, Emily tended to regress so she checked in with her about coping especially after they hadn't seen each other in a while, particularly when Emily was avoiding her.

Emily sighed as she said, "well, I've spent a lot of time in the gym. It did pay off though when the team trainer did my signoff for hand to hand. He regretted underestimating me. I also passed the range assessment with Aaron of all people. So theoretically have have done what I needed to for Agent Hotchner to put me in the field." She hoped that her therapist hadn't picked up on that she hadn't really answered the question.

Looking over at the suspicious look, Emily sighed realizing that Alicia hadn't missed it. Damn, she really didn't want to talk about this today.

But apparently luck was on her side when she saw the slight shake of Alicia's head before she said,

"So back in the field for the first time since you finished the Ian Doyle case. How is it going?"

As expected Alicia could see Emily's anxiety levels rise at the question. It was a question at one point Alicia didn't know if she would ever be asking Emily.

Her clearance had given her access to Emily's file including her psych evaluation as well as the case report from the Doyle case. She remembered being shocked when she read the file that Emily had been placed undercover when CIA's own psych evaluation clear concluded that she should not be considered suitable for that role. Given the rationale stated in the psych evaluation, Alicia wasn't sure how they could have justified her being assigned to just that role.

When she came back to DC after that case, Emily had initially been a shell of her former self, walking around like a ghost. Alicia had had them meeting everyday for several weeks as she started to work through with Emily what had happened and how she was handling it.

Alicia slowly saw Emily reclaim the various parts of her life and after several months made the decision to go through the process to come off of her leave and go back into the FBI. Initially disappointed that she was only cleared for a desk position, Emily had commented in a session when she was back in DC months later that it had ended up being a good way for her to work on her healthy coping skills.

Emily shrugged as she answered, "mostly ok. Hotch has really only let me do interviews, canvassing, etc."

Alicia nodded before she said, "so slowly easing you back into it."

"Yes" Emily replied.

Alicia asked knowing that at one point this had been a sticking point for her, "how do you feel working within a team again? You have mentioned a lot of conflict with various team members. Do you think you will be able to trust them once you get further into field duty?"

Emily immediately said "Yes", however after a minute she came back saying, "maybe" with uncertainty on her face.

Alicia nodded at the honest response before saying, "Emily what happened to you would cause doubt in just about everyone. But this is a new team. Don't make them guilty for the crimes of others. Make sure you are giving them opportunities to earn your trust."

Alicia sighed at the whole topic. She knew Emily well enough to know she worked best within a team framework. She wanted to work on a team and she craved team interaction in her work. But the betrayal she experience by a member of her team while she was undercover on the Doyle case had deeply affected her particularly since she didn't know which team member it was. And as a profiler, that was unsettling.

Emily nodded as she said, "I know and I have. I decided one evening in the gym that I either needed to be willing to give them a chance or just give up and walk away. So for the conversation I mentioned I heard, one of the participates asked me to lunch. I agreed to coffee with her instead to hear her out."

Alicia nodded as she asked, "how did that go?"

"She apologized. We've since done the lunch and I've gone out with her and another colleague." Emily responded.

Alicia took a deep breath before asking, "how did that feel?"

Emily took a deep breath before answering, "I'm willing to give her a chance. I'm glad I agreed to coffee because she seems sincere. But if anything else comes up, I don't know."

"Fair enough." Alicia agreed, knowing on a good day that trust didn't come easy to Emily and these weren't easy days.

Before she could say anything else, there was a beep on the internal messaging system. Alicia picked it up and read the message before saying, "that is Dr Nelson. He would like for you to come back so he can talk to you and your colleague.

Before you go, remember to take care of yourself Emily. You have a tendency to look out for everyone else but you need to keep yourself strong or you aren't going to have anything to offer others.

Emily nodded and replied, "OK, I'll try."

Alicia continued, "I would like to start seeing you on a regular basis, especially as you start transitioning into the field again. Maybe come with your friend and I'll hold the time that he is seeing Dr Nelson."

Emily stood and replied, "OK, let me see what he has decided," as she gathered her things and walked out of the office after saying goodbye to Alicia.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**Chapter 4**

Emily walked into Dr Nelson's office and sat in a chair next to the couch Spencer was sitting on. Mentally exhausted from the impromptu therapy session she had just had, she leaned back in the briefly before sitting up and looking back and forth between Dr Nelson and Spencer.

Dr Nelson started, "Agent Prentiss, thank you for coming with Spencer. I would like all of us to talk over what Spencer and I have been discussing about the path I have suggested as a way going forward for him."

Emily smiled and responded, "of course and please call me Emily."

Dr Nelson continued, "Spencer had agreed to have certain information shared with you so we can fully discuss certain aspects of treatment. I mention this because in the future I may not be able to discuss certain topics with you if they fall outside of agreed topics."

Emily nodded understanding their policies from her experience with Alicia before saying as she looked at Spencer, "I understand and don't want to overstep."

Dr Nelson nodded and said, "based on what Spencer had shared with me about what happened to him when he was kidnapped and how he has been doing since then, I have suggested and he has agreed to a nontraditional approach."

Emily looked at him suspiciously as she asked, "what do you mean by nontraditional?" wondering if it was the method she heard about previously.

Dr Nelson nodded before responding, "traditionally, detox programs are inpatient for about 3 months with individual and group therapy and then follow-up after discharge. Because of the way Spencer was introduced to the Dilaudid and the limited exposure time, I feel this approach is an option we can consider. What it will look like is medication for the cravings and daily sessions with me for the next couple of days in preparation. Then on Saturday he will come here and under sedation my colleague who is an anesthesiologist will monitor Spencer closely while he taking him through the withdrawal process."

Emily nodded as she recalled that this was the approach that she had heard about. She asked, "how long will it take?"

Dr Nelson replied, "a few hours. Based on the amount of length of time of exposure I'd estimate around 6 hours. Once that's complete, the sedation will be reversed. Once Spencer is awake he can eat and drink and after that as long as he are stable he can go home with strict instructions."

"Is it safe?" Emily asked concerned.

Dr Nelson replied, "It is as much as any procedure under sedation would be. We do continuous monitoring and have a medical doctor overseeing the process so we can act as quickly as possible if a problem does arise."

Emily nodded slowly while she looked down, not sure what else would happened before asking, "is that it then? Wouldn't there need to be more … something?"

Dr Nelson nodded before saying, "oh that is just to work through the withdrawal part. After that, yes there will be frequent therapy session that are daily at the beginning. We will space them out after that based on how things are going.

Another important factor is going to be constant support. We suggest that for at least 3 weeks which gives the medication time to build up in his system, some progress in therapy and establishing a new routine."

Spencer cleared his throat before saying, "I'll be fine at home. We work long hours and most days I'm only there long enough to shower and sleep anyway."

Dr Nelson sighed and shook his head as they had already discussed this aspect before saying, "Spencer, this is a necessary component. We can't go forward unless you can make plans to have the support we've talked about. I'm sorry."

Spencer looked back and forth between then as he started to get agitated as he said, "but why? I didn't go off and start taking Dilaudid on my own. It was forced on me during a case."

Dr Nelson nodded as he agreed, "that is true. That fact will help as we are working through your therapy however it doesn't change the physiological response your body has had to Dilaudid.

Many of the clients we see here who go through this program were exposed in a similar way as you. Either while undercover or kidnapped on the job. In our experience with those clients, we have found the success is much better with continuous support for the first few weeks. And here is why, while yes the first few doses were forced on you however after you escaped, you have used?" He looked at Spencer pointedly as he asked.

Spencer looked between the two of then before he whispered, "Yes."

"Multiple times?" Dr Nelson asked without breaking eye contact.

Spencer sighed and quietly said, "Yes."

Dr Nelson waited until Spencer looked back up at him before saying as empathically as possible, "that is what we are trying to avoid. Yes the craving will be better but we don't want you back at that point or even close to it during this vulnerable time. That is where your support comes into play. It won't be forever."

Emily looked down at the floor in front of her. Remembering her thoughts earlier in the day about Matthew. After they had returned to Rome, Matthew had turned to partying and later to drugs as he felt the world around him had suddenly changed. Emily was there for him and though she tried to convince him to stay clear of the drugs it was to no avail. When her mother decided to send her to the convent school, she felt sick that she was being forced to leave Matthew when he needed her after he had been there when she needed the support.

But now there was someone, another friend, sitting next to her that desperately needed help and support. She knew that family wasn't an option to help and she knew that he didn't want to involve the rest of the team. Then before she could overthink it she said, "you can come stay with me Spencer."

Spencer looked up from the floor and focused on her as he said surprised, "are you sure Emily? Three weeks is a long time. I haven't exactly been a pleasant person for you to be around."

Emily sighed before nodded as she said, "yes but it is only for a few weeks. And besides I'm use to it and as you well know I'm going to push back if I need to." She patted his knee as he finished.

Before they could question it anymore, Dr Nelson interrupted, "OK great, that's settled. Spencer let's make your next few appointments as well as your time for Saturday. I will get you the medication before you leave. The two of you need to spend time over the next few days figuring out how you want the next few weeks to go."

**AN: I got the idea for the withdrawal under sedation from an early season episode of ER though what they did was somewhat different.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

The next couple of days were busy for both Emily and Spencer. Spencer had talked to Hotch on the phone after they left Dr Nelson's office and requested the rest of the week off. Hotch had immediately agreed. With the days free, Spencer had spent the time in sessions with Dr Nelson as well as doing research to reassure himself that this method was the right path for him.

Meanwhile Emily was still the office the rest of the week, working on consults. She was hoping and was thankful the team didn't get called away on any cases. The others on the team had wondering in passing what Spencer was doing with his time off. As much as she wanted to allay their fears, she had made a promise to Spencer so she didn't say anything.

The met up each evening at Emily's apartment for dinner and discussed among other topics how their living arrangements were going to work. After talking it through, they decided that Spencer would use the guest bedroom across from Emily's room she would be close to him if was struggling during the night. On Friday evening they had stopped by Spencer's apartment for him to pack. After Spencer unpacked and set up the room that would be his for the next few weeks, he walked downstairs and nervously joined Emily in the living room.

Ultimately they didn't know each other that well and had now committed to spending all their time together for the next few weeks. Additionally, Spencer has gone out on a limb telling her his secret and while it had paid off in helping him find a way forward, he was placing trust with her that could determine his whole future.

Seeing tension radiate off of him, Emily prepared a second cup of chamomile tea. Walking over she placed it on the table in front of him before sitting on a chair next to the couch and placing her own cup down before she said, "it's chamomile tea. I put some sugar in it but there's more on the counter if you need it."

"Thanks Emily. For the tea and letting me stay here." Spencer said as he picked up the mug.

Emily nodded as she placed her mug down on the table before saying, "you're welcome. I know your nervous Spencer. Tomorrow is going to be a long day for you. I don't think we should stay up too late."

"You're right." Spencer said as he finished his tea. After taking a deep breath, he stood up and looked up the stairs before turning around and saying, "Goodnight, Emily."

Emily smiled at him and responded, "Goodnight, Spencer."

####

Spencer woke up disoriented at first trying to remember where he was. Given how frequently the team travelled, it wasn't the first time. After a minute, he sat up wondering what woke him up. When he and Emily had headed to bed it had been earlier than either of them generally go to bed in preparation for the next day.

Just as he was turning over to go back to sleep, he heard a cry from the other room followed by Emily mumbling something he couldn't understand from where he was. Realizing that she was having a nightmare, Spencer got up and walked out of his room and over to the doorway of her room. As he stood there, he heard her cry out several times while continually thrashing around in her bed. As he moved over towards the bed he heard her telling someone to stop.

When he reached the side of the bed, he said, "Emily wake up. Emily." When that didn't work, he place his hand on her shoulder as he called out to her. He jumped back when all of the sudden she sprung up and looked around, out of breath. Looking around the room before she turned back to Spencer, she said, "are you ok Spencer? Do you need something?"

"I'm OK Emily. You were having a nightmare."

He watch as she sat up and pulled her legs close to her and wrapped her arms around them before she answered, "I'm sorry I woke you. I'm fine."

Noting her reaction Spencer didn't want to leave her. However, he could see Emily was embarrassed so he said, "OK, I'm going to head back to bed. Goodnight Emily."

Looking away from him and not moving she quietly answered, "goodnight' as he walked towards the door. A few minutes later he heard her get up before hearing water running in the bathroom. He fell back to sleep after hearing her go back to her room and turning a bedside table lamp on.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Spencer sat sullen on the couch, irritated at everything and everyone. He could hear Emily talking quietly to someone on the phone as she walked closer until she was standing right next to him and said, "Spencer, here. Dr Nelson wants to talk to you."

Spencer looked up and glared at her before taking the phone.

It had been 4 days since he had gone through the withdrawal under sedation. Emily had stayed at the practice waiting for him the whole day. Since then they had been spending all of their time together. It had been quite an adjustment for both of them given they were used to living alone.

But for Spencer today had been a hard day since he woke up. He had had a nightmare the previous night and it had taken him a while to go back to sleep. Thankfully it hadn't woken up Emily who he knew had also been experiencing nightmares.

When he arrived at the BAU, he couldn't get his coffee to taste right. He had tried adding more sugar and when that didn't work, made a new pot. Both options hadn't improved the taste and left him frustrated.

After that he got annoyed at Garcia's smothering and that was all before JJ dropped off his consults for the day. When he got to the second one, he had roughly closed it before going to the restroom. When he came back, Emily quietly asked him if he wanted her to take it. He had grumbled at her that he could do his own work. The rest of the day had been quiet since after his outburst to Emily, she was the only one who talked to him.

The last straw had come late in the afternoon when he received notice that his handgun qualifications were coming up in 3 weeks. Usually he worked with Hotch before his qualifications. After the LDSK case, he had passed 3 qualifications though barely. He didn't want to lose his gun again.

As they were leaving, Spencer told Emily that he wasn't going to his therapy appointment that evening. When she started talking to him about it, he cut her off and said they could either go back to her place or he would take the train and just go back to his apartment. The look on his face must have convinced her that he was serious because she nodded and drove back to her apartment. When he blew up at her when she asked about dinner, she had walked away with her phone.

**####**

Emily walked into the bathroom and placed both hands on the counter while looking down. It had been a crappy day. She could tell before they even left her condo that morning that Spencer was off. He had just gotten more irritable as the day went on. She knew Dr Nelson had warned her about it. That he would have a day like this sooner rather than later but that had only partially prepared her for today.

She had quickly summarized for Dr Nelson when she called what was happening before passing the phone to Spencer. She could see that he wasn't happy with her but it was what needed to happen. She was just hoping that Dr Nelson would be able to get through to him because she didn't want to think of the alternative. She couldn't stop him if he decided to leave.

She didn't realize that she was crying until she saw a tear fall onto the counter. Even with being warned that this was expected, Emily was now doubting her ability to help him. She was having a hard enough time straightening out her own life. How was she going to help Spencer? Did she even have the right tools to help him? Or was this whole process going to be a complete failure that would be her fault?

She didn't want Spencer to fail. Even with their tense interactions over the last few weeks, she knew he was a good person with so much to offer. She didn't know if she could handle if because of something she did or didn't do that he lost this tremendously difficult battle against Dilaudid. He couldn't lose this battle. He had too much at stake. She had seen with Matthew what happens when to someone life is consumed with drug addiction.

As these thoughts went through her mind, her anxiety rose. She didn't want to be the reason he failed. Failure met that it would become official at the Bureau. If that happened, one of Spencer's worst fears would come true, he would lose the BAU. And if he lost the BAU, would he continue his fight or given into his addiction?

Roughly wiping her eyes, Emily sat on the edge of the tub trying to catch her breath. Once her breathing was under control, she could still feel the anxiety built up in her system. Standing up, she walked over to the vanity and opened a drawer and pulled out a razor blade. She knew what would help her feel better.

**####**

Spencer hung up and phone and rested his head on the back of the couch. The phone session with Dr Nelson had given him perspective on his feelings about what was happening today. He reminded Spencer that they had spoken about that he would have bad days, particular at this point. As he thought about it, Spencer remembered the sessions and nodded that they had discussed it and it was normal. He was feeling better after the phone call.

He also knew that he owed Emily an apology. Again. She didn't deserve any of the comments he had made to her today. He just hoped she wasn't going to change her mind about helping him.

Just then he heard her come down the stairs and walk towards the kitchen. He walked over to the island before saying remorsefully, "I'm sorry Emily. I have been awful to you all day."

As he said that, she turned around and though he could tell she tried to conceal it, he could see the bloodshot eyes that told him she had been crying. Crap. Now he felt worse that he had made her cry. "Please don't give up on me."

Emily looked back at him shocked, "Spencer I'm not. I'll help you as long as you still want my help. I just…"

"What?" Spencer said anxiously.

Emily leaned forward and rested her forearms on the counter. She took a deep breath before she said wistfully, "I just wonder if I'm the right person sometimes. If I have the right tools to help you. You have so much riding on this that I don't want to screw up. I'm scared that I'm going to fail you."

Spencer, somewhat taken aback by how upset Emily was, shook his head and replied, "you haven't. It was just a bad day. Thank you for calling Dr Nelson. He wants to talk to both of us tomorrow morning."

Emily cleared her throat and nodded before she said, "Did it help, talking to Dr Nelson?"

Spencer nodded before he said, "Yeah, he reminded me that we talked about that I might have days like this. I just didn't see it as that until he mentioned it."

Emily looked at him before asking hesitantly, "were you wanting…?" not knowing how to ask but it was a question she needed to ask and needed to know the answer.

Spencer sighed before nodding as he said quietly, "yes."

They quietly observed each other until Emily cleared her throat before asking, "is that why you wanted to go back to your apartment? Do you still have some there?" If he did, they needed to talk to Dr Nelson about it in the morning as well as get rid of it before Spencer returned home when he was ready in a couple of weeks.

Spencer quickly shook his head before responding, "no I gave what I had to Dr Nelson last week. I don't want to take it anymore. I talked about going back to my apartment because it was the first alternate place I thought of. I promise."

Emily, relieved, nodded before she said, "OK. Do you know what started it today?" If there was something that triggered the events of the day, it would be helpful to know so they could try to avoid those factors if possible in the future.

Spencer sighed and shook his head and he thought about what had upset him that day before answering, "I was tired when I woke up but I think I would have been OK with that if it had just been that. When we got to work my coffee just tasted off and I couldn't fix it. Dr Nelson mentioned it as a possible side effect of the medication. Then there was the consult and then the final straw was the notice that my handgun qualifications are in three weeks."

"Is that bad?" Emily asked confused.

Spencer sadly nodded as he said, "I failed about a year and a half ago even after Hotch worked with me to prepare and lost my gun. The last couple of times I barely passed."

Emily considered what he said and then looked up at him smiling, "OK so we start going to the range before work."

Spencer shook his head before saying, "I can't ask you to do that."

Emily sighed before saying, "you're not asking, I'm offering. Besides I generally go to the range at least once a week to keep my skills up. We can both practice." She also knew that she needed to do this for her. Going to the range was one of the healthy coping skills she had learned and she knew she needed to get back to using those strategies. She was fairly sure she wasn't going to get Spencer to the gym or swimming so she would focus on this for now.

Spencer smiled back at her as he said, "OK, thanks Emily." He really did need to practice and now that she mentioned it, he did recall that he went to the range frequently.

Emily looked at him and thought before suggesting, "we may want to try to do some different stuff, activities- either out or staying here. I was just thinking that having a distraction may help take you mind off of wanting Dilaudid or things you know will help if you start craving in the future when you have a bad day. Have you spoken to Dr Nelson about possible coping strategies? We're adding the gun range to the list. Maybe play some chess or poker. We can bring over some of your books if you want or you can raid my shelves. We can certain try whatever you want to see if it's a good fit."

Spencer shook his head considering her words before he replied, "not yet. We were suppose to do that today."

Emily nodded before she said, "once you talk about it and have some ideas of what you want to try we can work on that too. This time shouldn't just be me here supporting you not using but working with you to find ways to help you cope if you start having those urges once you go home. I mean you are always welcome to call me and I will still help but it is empowering to know of ways you can help yourself too."

Spencer nodded as he say, "I like that idea."

"Good. Well hopefully you like what I made for dinner as well." Emily said before turning towards the other counter to start preparing dinner.

**####**

After dinner, Spencer went up to the bathroom after Emily refused his help in cleaning up. He was feeling better and she wanted him to have some down time before they played chess, their activity for the evening.

When he stood in front of the sink, he noticed some blood on the counter that hadn't been there earlier. He looked at it curiously. In the days he had been staying with Emily he had found her to be meticulous about keeping her apartment clean.

With Emily cleaning up from dinner, Spencer started looking for the something to clean it up with. Having not done this before at her apartment, Spencer wasn't sure where she kept her cleaning supplies. As he starting opening a drawer, he noted that there was a lone straight razor blade. He just stared at it for a couple of minutes before looking up at the blood on the counter. Closing the drawer, he turned and looked at the closed bathroom door wondering if what he suspected was true about his colleague and now friend.

He shook his head unsure about what to do. Deciding to finish cleaning up, he found cleaning wipes in the cabinet below the drawer. Just as he finished, Emily called out to him that they could play chess whenever he was ready.

He threw out the used wipe and put the unused wipes back where he found them before walking out of the bathroom to join Emily in the living room still unsure if he was going to say anything to her.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

A few days later, Spencer woke up and immediately noticed the light was on downstairs. He looked at the clock and groaned, 4:30AM. Unable to go back to sleep, he got up he headed down to see what Emily was doing. He had noticed that after a nightmare, Emily would get up for the day. He hadn't been woken up by a nightmare though he knew that that didn't mean she hadn't had one. When he reached the bottom of the stairs, he saw Emily sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table paging through a document he hadn't seen before.

Noticing the movement, Emily jumped in surprise looked up at Spencer and said, "Did I wake you?"

He shook his head before saying, "No, you didn't," as he walked closer and asked, "what are you working on?"

Emily closed the document and placed on the table in front of her as she said, "oh, it's my thesis. I was suppose to present it in December but we were out on a case. I rescheduled it so I'm just reviewing everything again."

"Is it ready?" Spencer asked wondering why she was up looking at it at this hour if she was suppose to have presented it months ago.

Emily sighed and nodded before saying, "yes." then paused before she continued with uncertainty in her voice, "I think so. Something seems off about it as I'm re reading it but I'm not sure what."

"Do you want me to read through it?" Spencer asked.

Emily looked up at him surprised and after observing him briefly then nodded as she said, "ah, sure. I guess another set of eyes couldn't hurt. I'll make some coffee while you do that. That's a work copy so feel free to make notes." Emily walked to the kitchen after she handed the thick document to Spencer.

When she walked back into the room 5 minutes later with two mugs of coffee, he was sitting in the chair with the document on his lap. Emily chuckled before shaking her head as she handed him his mug and said, "done already?" realizing how quickly her younger colleague reads, he probably had time to read through it multiple times while she had been in the kitchen.

Spencer eagerly took the mug and drank some of the coffee before answering, "yes. It is well-written Emily. Are you open to suggestions?" as he looked at her timidly.

Emily sat down on the couch and placed her own mug on the coffee table and looked at him intently as she said, "sure. Did you find what was off?"

Spencer shrugged "I don't know if it was what was bothering you but the main suggestion I want to make is with your data section. The statistical tests you are using aren't the ones I would recommend. If you change the tests, your finding will be clearer and you can be more robust in your conclusions. Do you still have the raw datasets?"

"OK, what do I do? Yes, I do have the datasets. Can I fix it without rewriting the whole thing?" Emily said gesturing to a desk she had on the other side of the room.

"It will just require reentering the numbers into a different statistical tests and then should just be able to go from there. You have a lot of data so it will take some time but it's not anything major. You will need to see those results before you can finalize your conclusions. It sounds more complicated than it is. It should only take two or three evenings to redo the statistics. I'll walk you through it." Spencer said as he pointed out her data tables and then started writing statistical formulas on the page.

"Thanks Spencer." Emily replied before looking at her watch realizing that more time had past then she had realized. She stood up and noticed Spencer continuing to make notes in the margins of her thesis as she said, "Spencer, it's later than I thought. I'm going to make breakfast and then we should get ready to go since we have time reserved at the range this morning."

Spencer looked up at her and nodded, "OK, we can work on this after my therapy session tonight. I'll go up and get ready now."

**####**

Emily and Spencer had been working on the changes on her thesis for three days, making time each evening. When she reread it when they were done, the changes they had made corrected the issues she had with the earlier draft.

As they finished, Emily pulled out her good chocolates for them to share. Dr Nelson had recommended no alcohol for Spencer at this point so Emily had put all of her alcohol away. As they were sharing the chocolate, Spencer became quiet before nervously saying, "people are wondering about us."

Emily sighed having picked up on the questioning looks for over a week. She hadn't said anything because she didn't want to upset Spencer because this was how he needed things to be right now. But if he was starting to pick on it, it must be getting more noticable. She nodded her head before looking at him and saying, "I know."

Spencer looked at her as he asked, "what are we going to do? What do we say when someone asks?"

Emily nodded having considered the same questions before she sits back and says, "well, I've been thinking about that. If it isn't someone on the team or someone official, we don't need to tell them anything. If it is the someone in either of those categories yeah we probably should come up with something to say. We obviously aren't telling them everything. But we do need to decide what we do feel comfortable with them knowing without outright lying."

Spencer nodded while looking down at the floor as he said, "so half-truths."

Emily nodded before she said, "Yeah, there isn't a way around it as things stand. I hate lying so I don't want to make something up. Besides anyone on the team will pick up on that right away. But I do have some ideas that we can start with."

Spencer looked at her confused before saying, "what?"

Emily stood up and walked over to the coffee table and picked up the working copy of her thesis they had been working off of before saying, "this." After seeing him nod, she put it back down before continuing, "we can also show them the list of article ideas we discussed writing together."

Spencer quietly considered what she said before answering, "do you think that will work?"

Emily considered the question before shrugging as she said, "well it's true. We have been working on both things. I can sell the thesis topic if it comes up because they already know that I'm working on that degree. There are significant changes made in my thesis and if needed I can show both copies that they can compare. We can also mention going to the range as we have signed in there."

"Do you think they will buy it?"

"Honestly it depends on who is asking and for what purpose. We aren't lying and even if they suspect that there is more, they can't prove it. If you want now that I'm done with it, you can carry that copy of my thesis in your bag. You made notes on it so us working on it together would be a given. But what it comes down to is while we have been spending a lot of time together, we haven't done anything inappropriate so there is only so much they can push it."

"OK" Spencer said sadly as he looked at the floor. He knew Emily hated lying and he regretted putting her into this situation where she may need to do just that to protect his secret if their diversions didn't work.

Although they hadn't discussed it much, he had noticed that she was dealing with some issues of her own. He didn't want to add to it by having her do something she had mentioned hating just to protect him. But he was still at a point in his recovery that he couldn't tell anyone without it triggering official inquiries. And given Emily's involvement, she could be in a huge amount of trouble as well for not reporting him.

Emily looked over at him, worried evident on his face before she said, "Look Spencer. I don't want you to worry about this. We have some ideas and we have nothing to be ashamed of. You have been doing awesome and I don't this to derail you. If it comes up, we'll handle it."

Spencer nodded and they sat quietly, lost in their respective thoughts. After a few minutes, Spencer said nervously, "Emily can I ask you a question?"

"You can ask me anything Spencer." Emily said looking at him.

"Why did you give me your room when I came to stay here? I know you said you don't use the master bedroom because you don't like the decor and your parents won't let you change it but why not stay in your room? You live here by yourself and you've put yourself in the smallest bedroom."

Emily sighed because as much as she wished he hadn't realized that fact, she should have known as he improved, he would pick up on more of these type of details about her apartment. How did she explain this without really explaining it? How did she not tell him her secrets when he had been so open with his?

The room Spencer was now using had been her room from the time she was a child up to and including when her and Aaron were dating. When they first met, he was still at the FBI Academy and had a roommate. She was staying at her parent's house for the University break. They'd come to this apartment multiple times to secretly meet up so they could be alone.

Once he graduated and during the time he worked for her mom, he had an apartment where they did go however they would frequently end up at her room here as well. It was a special place for them. Or at least she thought it was a special place to both of them.

She sighed as she looked around the apartment, knowing that the bedroom wasn't the only room with memories as they hadn't restricted their ….err activities to just that one room. And the memories weren't just of sex. They were of them flinging mashed potatoes at each other in the kitchen as he helped her cook or them curled up on the couch watching a movie.

When she was moving back to DC, it hadn't come to mind when she accepted her mother's offer to live here. It wasn't until she walked into her bedroom that first day that the memories came back of the day she came by after he had left. She had walked into her bedroom and she could still smell his scent in the room. She had quickly closed the door and left the apartment, not returning until just a few months ago.

But when it came down to it, it wasn't just her story to tell. No matter what he had been in the past, Aaron was now their boss. Their married boss. And no matter how hurt she is about what he did she couldn't out him like that.

Looking over at him with a sad smile, she said, "just too many memories of a past boyfriend."

Spencer looked at her carefully before he said, "is this one of those half-truths?"

Emily sighed before she said, "kind of. I answered your question about why I don't sleep in there. That is true. The only thing I didn't tell you is who and I'm sorry but I can't. Believe me that detail is best left in the past."

Spencer looked down considering what she just said before nodding as he said, "fair enough. Is it the guy that is in your nightmares?"

Emily sat up straight in her chair, panic beginning to fill her before she asked, "how do you know what my nightmares are about?"

Seeing her sudden change in demeanor, Spencer said sympathetically, "you've had several since I've been here. You have called out a name a few times. Emily you keep asking him to stop."

As he spoke, Emily became more worried, not wanting to pull Spencer into that part of her life. She replied quietly, "I said his name."

Spencer nodded and said, "yeah an Ian. Is it the same guy?"

Emily shook her head now realizing that she was going to have to have a very serious conversation with Spencer. "no, it's not. Let's just say my dating history has been less than stellar and leave it at that." Emily paused before turning back to him and said seriously, "and Spencer, I need you to keep that name to yourself. Please don't mention it to anyone."

Spencer looked at her suspiciously before saying, "I won't say anything".

Emily observed him before saying, "good because I'm serious, you can't say anything to anyone about that. Not to Hotch. Not to Garcia to check him out. Definitely not to Morgan. No one." She knew if searches were done or questions asked that not only would she have to answer questions but it could bring danger to their doorsteps.

Spencer looked at her wide-eyed, not quite sure how to interpret what she had just said other than she was dead serious about staying quiet. He nodded and replied, "I won't say anything. I promise."


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Erin Strauss sat down at her desk, almost gleeful. Her contact in the bullpen, as always, was filling her in on the day to day activities. What had been coming across her desk recently indicated some interesting changes among the BAU team.

According to her contact, Agents Prentiss and Reid have been inseparable the last couple of weeks. They have been arriving and leaving together as well as taking all their breaks together. The gossip was that they are now involved. This theory is supported by Agents Gideon and Jareau both watching the supposed new couple carefully as well as appearing to not be supportive of changes.

What excited Strauss the most was the reports on how Agent Hotchner has been reacted. Or had not been reacting. He had observed the two together but has not made any attempt to talk to them or separate them in the office. This is just the opening that she had been hoping she would get for months.

Since Aaron Hotchner had taken over as Unit Chief, there had been very little that she could write him up for without coming across as picky and petty.

However, two agents involved right under his nose and him not addressing it is definitely something that she could write him up for.

And even better, she would have Agent Prentiss just where she needed her to be. It had been months since Strauss had hired Emily to fill the open position with the plan of using her to gain information she needed to sabotage Aaron Hotchner's career.

As expected, he hadn't happy with Emily Prentiss being added to the team. While, according to the case reports, he had integrated her onto the team, her sources had reported there had been friction. So far, Strauss hadn't pushed Prentiss for information as, from experience, she knew that tension on the team would mean that Prentiss probably wasn't privy to any useful information yet. But with a HR write up in Prentiss' file, Strauss would be holding onto all the cards.

Her plan all along was to pressure Prentiss to find incriminating information on Hotchner. It was the reason she hired her. And with the write up, she could say providing the information was the only possible way she could stay in the BAU where Strauss knew she wanted to be.

Though there was no way that she could allow an involved couple to work on the same team. That would reflect poorly on her and she had her own ambitions. No she would get the information she needed and then transfer Prentiss saying it was out of her hands. There was no way she was transferring Spencer Reid.

And even better, Strauss would not have to offer Prentiss the Unit Chief position she thought she was going to need to entice her. No Strauss would be able to put who she wanted into the position. Someone who she knew was loyal to her.

But a write up from her along with a report from HR in Aaron Hotchner's file is just what she needed for the review she had planned for the team in the next couple of months before Hotchner was eligible for promotion. A promotion she needed to find a way to stall with several in leadership positions getting ready to retire or move onto other positions, he would be assured a promotion by the end of the summer. A promotion that would remove him from her chain of command. And she couldn't allow that to happen.

But she also couldn't be the one to make the report to HR. It would look suspicious if someone started to look too closely at the report. No she would have her contact do it.

**####**

Emily and Spencer walked into the bullpen each with a cup of coffee when they were approached by a woman with a stern look on her face.

"Agent Prentiss, Dr. Reid?" the woman said.

Emily and Spencer looked at each other before Emily responded, "yes, can we help you?"

The woman replied, "Agent King, Human Resources. I need to speak to both of you privately, right now." as she gestured up to the conference room.

Emily and Spencer followed her and shut the door behind them. She turned to them and said, "Agents please sit down.".

Emily and Spencer both took a seat at the table. Before Agent King could say anything, Emily said forcefully, "Agent King, can you please tell us why we are here?"

Agent King nodded and paused as she saw Agent Hotchner slip into the room and stand quietly in the back before she said, "yes, Agent Prentiss, a report has been sent to my office that the two of you are involved in a personal relationship. One neither of you have reported to my office…."

"What?!" Spencer sputtered out while Emily strongly replied at the same time, "No we are not."

Hotch did not miss that as they said that they both unconsciously moved away from each other. He was already certain that they weren't involved which is why he hadn't spoken to them in what would have been a very awkward conversation all things considered.

Agent King shook her head before saying, "then how do you explain the report we have received?"

Emily huffed before saying sarcastically, "well since don't know what report you are talking about, we seem to be at a disadvantage." Agent King handed both of them a copy of the report her office had received. Hotch walked over to her and also took a copy of the report.

Spencer shook his head as he put the report on the table and said, "none of this means we are involved."

Agent King responded, "then how do you explain it."

Emily sighed as she started, "yes we have been spending time together but the reason is Spencer has been helping me with the statistical analysis for my thesis. The thesis for the degree your office knows I'm almost finished at this point. We were discussing it one day and when he looked through a printout of the document, he had some suggestions."

"Yeah, let me show you." Spencer nodded and leaned over to open his bag and pulls a copy of Emily's dissertation out of his bag and flips through the pages. He then placed the document, covered in handwritten notes noticeable made by at least two different people, down on the table and pushing it over in front of Agent King.

He then spent the next 10 minutes explaining various statistical tests and the information that can be determined based on the test use. As he started to explain why he had suggested Emily change the statistical test in her thesis, Emily interrupted, "I'm presenting it soon so Spencer has been nice enough to give up his free time to talk me through the changes at lunch, after work, etc. When we are here we are suppose to be doing BAU work so we've been using our free time."

Annoyed at the obviously legitimate explanation, Agent King pushed the document back over towards Spencer as she asked, "OK, what about you arriving and leaving together?"

Spencer nodded before saying, "I have my firearm qualifications coming up soon and Emily has been helping me get ready for it either before or after work. You can check our signups at the range."

Agent King nodded as she said, "I will do that."

Emily sighed as she said, "we also discovered that we live about a mile away from each other…"

Spencer interrupted, "...actually it's 0.85 miles."

Emily rolled her eyes and said in a what Spencer knew to be her fake annoyed voice, "not the time Spencer."

"Sorry." he replied quietly.

Emily continued, "we live close to each other so we have been carpooling. Spencer had been taking the train but we've been trying to utilize our time the best so we can get all of this done outside of the hours we are expected to be here and working."

Agent King looked back and forth between them, not hearing anything that would support the report she had received, "so as soon as you present your thesis and the firearm qualifications are over, all of this will stop?"

Emily looked over at Spencer before looking back to Agent King and said, "I hope not all of it. I don't know about Spencer but I've enjoyed carpooling.

Spencer nodded as he said, "I do too. The trains don't run as often late at night. Isn't it your office who has been pushing the whole share a ride campaign?"

Emily bit her tongue not to laugh at Agent King's embarrassment at Spencer calling her out on the challenge of them carpooling. In an effort to smooth things over as they were still not free and clear yet, she said, "we are colleagues. We have similar interests. Like I said, I'm hopefully getting this degree soon. I would then like try publishing and Spencer has already done that multiple times. We even talked about topics we would both be interested in publishing a paper on together." Emily says as she pulls a piece of notebook paper out of her bag and handed it to Agent King. After reading over it, Agent King pushed it back towards Emily and Spencer.

At Agent King's silence, Emily looked at her watch and sighed before she said, "is there anything else or can we go start our case work for the day?"

Agent King turned and addressed the fourth person in the room who had been silently observing until now when she asked, "Agent Hotchner, you haven't said anything yet. What is your assessment of what has been going on with Agents Prentiss and Reid?"

Hotch walked up to the table and glaring at Agent King as he said sternly, "frankly I'm shocked at the accusations. It is in Agent Prentiss' file that she has almost completed her degree in Forensic Psychology. It makes complete sense that she would take Dr Reid up on any suggestions he had considering one of his three PhDs is in Mathematics. I have seen no indication that they are involved in the way that you are suggesting."

Agent King broke eye contact with Hotch as she stood up quickly and as she was walking towards the door, she said, "OK, I will close this report. Thank you for your time agents."

Emily and Spencer both gave Hotch appreciative looks both walking out of the conference room and down to their respective desks.

**####**

Hotch returned to his office and considered the meeting they had just been in, wishing he knew who made the report but knowing HR will not tell him. He had his suspicions that Strauss was somehow involved.

Without the explanations that they gave along with the documentation, things may not have ended with the report being closed. And it needed to be as Hotch was certain that the two of them were not together.

While he was sure that Reid and Emily had worked on the everything they mentioned, he was also sure there was more to why they had been spending so much time together recently. And they had. Everyone had noticed and he had overheard members of the team observing their interactions questioningly.

He hadn't missed their close interactions over the last few weeks. At first he was just relieved that they were no longer conflicting as they had since shortly after Georgia. Then after New Orleans, Gideon had said he spoke to Spencer though he hadn't elaborated about what. Then Spencer took a couple of days off and ever since he came back, he and Emily had been constantly together.

The rest of the team had been looking at them confused which both of them had so far ignored. Gideon, who in the early days had completely been on Team Emily had recently soured about her and had groused to Hotch about what was she doing with Spencer. Then there was JJ who had started to thaw out on Emily after their New Haven case was now observing her with suspicion which wasn't surprising since JJ and Reid were good friends. But he knew no one on his team made the report. That's not how the team worked.

But as he thought about it, Reid had been doing better during this time frame, particularly over the last week or so. He wasn't sure what they were doing but it was pulling Reid out of the funk he had fallen into since Georgia. But then as he thought about it, Emily had also been doing better over the last couple of weeks. Ideally, he would like to let them keep as they have been but this report changes that.

They hadn't had a case for the last few weeks. Once they do and are back in the field, he will need to have them partnered with other members of the team. Reid has been doing well with Emily, now Hotch needed to see if he could work well while being partnered with someone other than her.

What surprised him most were the sudden irritated feeling that had stirred up inside of him when he heard what had been suggested - Emily being with someone else. Sleeping with someone else. Even observing that that was not the case with Spencer, he felt an irrational anger towards the younger man. Thinking back, he had felt the same way weeks ago when he had heard Emily and Derek talking about a date she had had.

He sighed as he sat back in his chair. It had been 12 years. They had both moved on. He was married now with a child. He had no right to begrudge her being with someone else as well.

**####**

Strauss sat at her desk annoyed at the report from HR that was sitting on her desk. The report against Agent Reid and Prentiss had been closed for lack of evidence as well as supervisor's assessment. The response included statistics for thesis, gun qualifications as well as collaboration for publication. Usually she would be pleased with her agents publishing as it brought prestige to the unit but today it was just annoying her.

Strauss huffed. This was just a bump in the road. She would need to revisit her plan to bring down Aaron Hotchner.


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: This is the last chapter of this companion story. I hope you have enjoyed it.**

**Chapter 9**

Emily walked into her apartment and put her purse on the kitchen. As she looked around, the space all the sudden seemed bigger and lonely.

A few days ago after meeting with Spencer, Dr Nelson had met with both of them and said that with Spencer having been doing so well, he was comfortable with Spencer returning home though he did want him to increase his therapy sessions for the next couple of weeks as he made the transition. After talking it through, they decided that it would be best for Spencer to go back over the weekend.

They had spent the weekend moving all Spencer's belonging that had accumulated at Emily's back to his apartment before doing a dual grocery run for what they each would need for the week. After dropping Spencer and his groceries off at his apartment, Emily had returned home to put her groceries away before going to the gym for a couple of hours.

On the way back to Spencer's, she had picked up dinner from the restaurant they had agreed to order from. As they were finishing with their food, Spencer said, "I'm never going to able to repay you for what you did for me Emily."

Emily looked over at him and patted his shoulder before she said, "yes you will. Keep doing your best and that is all the thanks I need. What you have done took so much courage. You should be proud of yourself. I know I'm proud of all of your efforts."

Spencer smiled and said, "thanks Emily."

Emily said, "Just remember I'm still here if you need me."

Spencer nodded as he said, "I know and will check in with you everyday like we agreed."

Truth be told he was somewhat nervous to be back in his apartment. He had noticed that afternoon as he was unpacking how much he had appreciated Emily's presence over the last few weeks. One of the reasons he wanted to wait until the weekend to move back was it wouldn't be that long until he was back at work around other people, including Emily."

As they just looked around awkwardly, knowing that it was getting late, Emily cleared her throat and said as she picked up her coat and purse, "OK. Well I'm going to head home. I'll see you in the office tomorrow. Good night Spencer." before she gave him a hug.

"Goodnight Emily. See you then." Spencer said as he opened the door for her.

Now that she was back in her apartment, Emily wasn't sure what to do with herself. It was strange. Spencer had only been living in her apartment for a few weeks and now with him gone she could feel the loss.

Going into all this, the goal was to help and support Spencer however, in retrospect, she can see that the experience had helped her as well.

She had been avoiding Alicia for months however once she got back in to see her and with the frequent sessions, as she went along with Spencer, she found she was in a better place emotionally.

On her second session, she had come clean about the cutting and her and Alicia had been working through it since. She was feeling encouraged that it had been 5 days since she had last cut. The day Spencer had asked her about it was when she really thought about what she was doing and rededicated herself to working with Alicia to get back on track after being off for weeks.

She had gone into more detail through their sessions about what had happened in Georgia - with Hotch, with JJ, with the team, what had happened to Spencer and the monitors and how that had triggered nightmares about Doyle. She had found that at first, she had more nightmares about Doyle and the monitors but they had been decreasing over the last week.

She was brought out of her thoughts when her phone rang with the caller ID blinking 'Garcia'. She groaned hoping they weren't getting called in for a case.

"Prentiss" she said as she answered the phone and held it up to her ear.

Emily smiled at Garcia's cheerful demeanor as she said, "hey gumdrop. Are you having a good weekend?"

"Hey Garcia. It's been busy but OK." Emily replied while not going into a lot of detail.

Garcia was quiet before she said, "I wanted to see if you were interested in ladies night this week."

Emily grimaced as this wasn't a good week for her to go out but didn't want to discourage Garcia from asking her again in the future so she said, "I would love to Garcia but I can't right now. I'm presenting my thesis next week and I need my evenings this week to make any finishing touches on it. Can I have a raincheck on ladies' night? Do you want to have lunch instead one day?"

"You're not having lunch with Reid?" Garcia asked cautiously as she hadnn't missed how close the two had become.

Emily gave a small laugh to lighten the mood before saying, "probably at some point this week but not everyday."

Garcia then replied upbeat, "well he's welcome as well. The more the merrier."

"OK. Check with him and see what plans he has. Are you going to ask the others as well. I think I'm open any day for lunch this week unless a case comes up." Emily said. Though she was sure that Spencer was open for the week, she wanted him to be able to answer the question for Garcia.

"OK, I'll ask around. See you in the morning." Garcia replied.

"Night Garcia." Emily said before hanging up her phone.

**####**

Just as Emily was settling in for the night, she had a text come across her phone. 'Doing well. See you tomorrow. Spencer'

She smiled and send him a short message back, "good to hear'.


End file.
